It feels weird to be writing like this but it’s about time I did so.
First up, I posted the entry from NYC Midnight’s 1000 word flash fiction to the short works, I still have another couple of stories to post from NYC Midnight competitions so far this year (1000 word challenge 2, 500 word) but I haven’t had the results back yet, and even then it’s a month after the results are in that it’s safe to post.
I find the whole NYC Midnight thing fascinating, actually. There’s a curious duality to it; you want something with a narrative in a thousand (or less) words, but then complain that I don’t give you enough character detail… I don’t quite know how to react to that, honestly.
What I also find interesting is how I find myself reacting to it. My first entry got me a surprising result – I didn’t expect getting any points, let alone top of my group, and since that point, nil points across the board. I mean, I don’t expect anything else because I’m not really writing for the judges, I’m writing for me, with an eye towards what the judges will say. I suspect if I took the judges’ comments entirely seriously I could produce something that would score more points but that it would feel less substantial and likely more insincere (such as any of the works feels in any way sincere).
Second up, Aranoid. I know I was posting my retrospective thoughts on it but I find myself in a weird place with it. I did eventually get basically everything working, with the two major outstanding issues being that I couldn’t think of another powerup to use the slot on the UI but I didn’t want to just draw the slot out, and I got a web build going but it has a weird controller issue.
I didn’t exactly go into it with the intent of producing web games with Godot, let alone producing dexterity ones, it just so happened that rolling an Arkanoid knock-off is a convenient way to figure out drawing, sound, input, physics, menus/UI, player preferences. But I was disappointed by how chunky the web export was, and I even put an evening into recompiling Godot just to get a slimmed down web export build (which took some debugging to understand what I was doing wrong and what things depended on what things)
The controller issue is also super weird: on desktop it plays fine, responding to the mouse perfectly. On web it tends to inconsistently drift to the right. I don’t know why it does it, I have no real angle to fixing it because the way I caused it was by rewriting the player handling to be physics driven rather than directly input driven. I know I should finish it – and finish my writeup – but there is a nagging feeling that these are activities that are procrastination busywork against the things I really want to do with Godot.
And on some level, that is true, but on some level it’s also feeling like making excuses to getting things done.
Which leads me back nicely onto point three: I’ve been neglecting some of my writing for a while. I mean, I had a house move, I had this place where I should have been writing more, I spent time on Twitter, I did a lot of procrastination and ultimately… I should have been doing the Big Stuff. Writing articles, essays, game dev, all the things I actually want to do but never start for whatever reason.
I keep finding myself rationalising it as ‘the design’s not finished’ or ‘still thinking about it’ but all of that is really rationalising Resistance. You see, I picked up “The War of Art” earlier today (literally today) and read some of it, and I felt energised in a way I hadn’t in a while. I knocked out multiple story posts elsewhere and while it’s not my greatest work, it’s decent enough and it’s about time I stopped moping about being good enough and started simply being.